Worlds and Dreams
by Jeiku
Summary: When Kaidoh is rejected by Inui, he's given a second chance to live a happy life. A angsthope filled story about the pairing Inukai InuiKaidoh. Mild swearing and self harm.
1. Out of the ashes of pain

**Title:** Worlds and Dreams

**Warnings:** This is rated T for mild swearing and bloody self-harm, (as well as the fact that it's not all that warm and fuzzy but more sad, but I guess that doesn't really count).

**Disclaimer:**If I owned Prince of Tennis, not only would I be rich off of having made something so famous but I would also add actual love confessions at the end, and a very long love scene between Inui and Kaidoh. Either that or I would just have Inui a pervert who can't be very far away from Kaidoh.

**Summary:** Kaidoh is rejected by a Inui, but he's given the second chance to live a happy life. Exactly what is the dream and what is real life? Either way, Kaidoh knows that if he doesn't take this chance there may never be another chance, even if it is fake or even if it will cause much pain in the future. Sometimes reality doesn't really matter.

...o0o...

The world came rushing around Kaidoh, it felt as if his eardrums were ready to burst. It almost felt as if he had been chained to a metal floor and sunk in the ocean. He couldn't breath, his chest hurt like mad and he felt as if he were numb.

"I'm sorry." Inui says again, snapping Kaidoh back. Perhaps it would have been better in the confused and hazed mind, because at least there he didn't know why he had come into that state to begin with. Inui frowned.

"There's a 70 chance that, judging from your features, you're in shock. 80 that you're sad, 78 that you're angry and 99 that this is a surprise to you." Inui says softly, almost muttering. He sighed, a sweat drop coming to his forehead. How could anyone let someone they'd known since middle school know that they didn't return their emotions. Though Kaidoh was strong, he was a man, he could easily get over this, so it was best to be blunt.

"Kaidoh, I'm not gay, I can't like you. Unless you grew a nice set of D cup breasts and lost your manhood. You do have attractive features. I calculate that there's a 77 chance that you can find a nice guy to date easily, 89 that you can find a nice girl to date easily and a 85 chance that if I were gay I would date you. But I'm sorry, I just can't feel for you like that." Inui says, hoping to still be friends after this.

He didn't mind that his friend was gay, a lot of his friends were. Inui sighed, realizing that Kaidoh won't respond.

Truthfully, Kaidoh couldn't respond. He had analyzed Inui so thoroughly and hoped so much that Inui would return his feelings. But he should have known that Inui was straight. He was always gazing at girls and looking through porn, but he had still hoped… now what did he have?

He faintly noticed that Inui had walked away. Slowly he turned, thinking this over with a hazed mind.

He came out to his family today. His father had pretty much disowned him, his mother had cried and his brother had ran out of the room… disgusted. He never really had many other friends. He had rivals, like Momo, but no friends. After school and practice he worked out, he didn't hang out with others. When there was free time on weekends or bad weathered days he watched tv and read manga or worked out even more. The tennis players were always kind to him, but they were never his friends. They never knew that he sat by his window, gazing out of it wishing he were anything but what he was. They didn't know how much he despised his body, how much he wished he were a girl. Because then things would be so much simpler. His father wouldn't be angry because he wanted to draw or cook. His mother wouldn't have to encourage him to meet girls in the neighborhood… Inui would look at him as someone he could date.

Kaidoh didn't even realize that tears were falling down his eyes. His green eyes were clouded as they traced the steps to the usual training area in the park.

The sun was setting, he dully noted. For some strange reason the irony of the situation seemed funny. Kaidoh always heard about happy endings and sad endings were never heard of, but… now he was living in a sad ending.

"Heh… heh heh…. Heh… heh heh heh…" He bowed his head, finding chuckles ripping from his throat as it closed in on itself. He tried to prevent the tears when his eyes and nose stung too much, but it didn't work.

Suddenly his knees gave out. He came crashing to the ground, laughter and tears ripping from his body as his head threw back and he stared at the darkening sky.

"Hah hah ha hahh ha!" He laughed loudly. It almost made him feel better, or perhaps numb, but numb was better than the agonizing pain he felt. However, his laughs soon became sobs and he had to hide his face from anyone who might see his tears.

It was pathetic to cry, men don't cry. So instead he did his best to swallow his sobs and steady his shaking shoulders. But it didn't do any good, it only seemed to make it worse. He stood up and ran, he didn't know where he was running to, but he just had to.

Though as he began to run, Kaidoh slipped, falling straight into the river next to him. Something sharp hit against his arm and it made him cry out.

Through his sobs and hazed mind he somehow found the strength to pull the sharp rock from the water. Before he knew what he was doing he began hitting himself, over and over. The rock furiously bit into his skin, drawing red blood to the surface. The blood bubbled over his cuts and fell into the water, already tinged with the red of the sunset. He let out another scream as the rock missed his arm and hit his shoulder.

"HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" He let out a furious scream and crushed the rock into his chest. After all, before when something had failed him he had always taught that part of him physical pain, so that he would try harder.Inui had told him not to though…

That thought made him pause before he clenched onto the rock harder. No, this wasn't the teach his heart physical pain, this was to stop it. To stop the horrible pain he felt inside, to stop all the thoughts and memories of what could have been. To stop it all.

"STOP!" He screamed as he slammed the rock down furiously onto his chest. The rock came crashing into the skin and he was sure something cracked, but he didn't care. He didn't even care that he couldn't breath very well any more. Again and again he slammed the rock into the part of him that hurt the most, hoping to ease it with another kind of pain.

"Stop! STOP! Stop! Stop!... stop… st…stop…" His screams became pants as he found it harder to breath. His hand couldn't move any longer, it dropped to his side.

He gazed up at the sky, finding himself strangely light. He couldn't even gasp for air now, something was stopping him. He merely knelt there, mouth agape as he stared up in confusion. What was going on? Was he going to die? No… he didn't want to die… or did he? He had had so much, did he really want to give up just because he was disgusting to everyone?

The hand clenching the rock twitched as his body felt a spasm of pain. The rock dislodged itself and fell beside him with a plunk. The red blood of his body seeped into his clothing, but somehow found itself into the water, darkening it with it's color.

Kaidoh choked, feeling something come up in his throat. He couldn't move though, so he merely coughed into the air. Wincing when something wet splattered against his face from the cough. He wasn't going to try that again. But now something wet and warm was dribbling down from his lips.

When did things get so black? He didn't even notice when his body was yanked back. He didn't hear a familiar, worried voice calling his name in panic. He didn't feel the hands that were suddenly touching him. All he knew was a soft but black haze.

It felt as if he were floating, weightless, bodiless. It was nice. There were no real thoughts running through his head, no reminders of who he was. Only the simple feeling of fluff, pure fluff.

...o0o...

I hope all the readers will read and enjoy. I enjoy any sort of feed back, negative and positive. So don't be afraid to tell me if you hate it.


	2. a glimmer of hope rises

**Title:** Worlds and Dreams (Chapter 2)

**Warnings:** Not much, most of the need for warning was in the first chapter. This chapter only has confusion and a lot of doubt.

**Disclaimer: **I'm sure you've read it all the same including in my last chapter, however, I'll repeat, I don't own Kaidoh… or Prince of Tennis. Kaidoh belongs to Inui in my mind. ;)

**Summary:** Kaidoh is thrown into confusion as he realizes that all that he thought was a reality was a dream. Though was it really just a dream? (Very lame summary, but it's the best I can come up with, sorry.)

...o0o...

A voice shot through his ear, causing him to gasp. Pain seemed to rip through his body from that gasp, forcing him to clench tightly and scream in pain. He gasped out even more. Suddenly he couldn't breath, suddenly he panicked, he wanted air, he needed air.

"Kaidoh!" He heard and suddenly air filled his lungs. He suddenly became aware that he was being held down. In confusion he fought against the hands that held him down.

"Kaidoh, calm down, Kaidoh!" He heard a voice yelling at him. It was worried, but so familiar. He gasped as the face of Inui came into mind. His eyes snapped open. With gasps he hastily looked around. Blurred images of Oishi, Eiji, Ryoma… everyone came into view.The closest was Inui's, his glasses were off and his green eyes were full of worry.

Was this real? When did they all get here. He heard a loud scream and winced at how loud it was. Wait… that was him, he recognized his own scream… why didn't he hurt anymore? What was going on.

"Kaidoh, calm down! It's okay! It'll be okay!" Inui's voice cut through his thoughts. He was holding tightly onto his right arm.

"W-w-what-what's g-going…" Kaidoh couldn't finish it. It felt as if he had to rip the words from his throat. But if Inui said it'd be okay than it would.

"Kaidoh listen, you're having a panic attack, I'm not sure why, but you need to focus. You're fine, nothing's wrong, just relax." Inui says.

Nothing's wrong?! Than why did it hurt so much? But… it didn't hurt… not anymore… what's going on? His body, it felt so much pain before, why isn't it now? Through all of the confusion Kaidoh slowly slipped into darkness again, but this time an unaware darkness.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Light… Kaidoh winced, closing his eyes again. He didn't even realize he had opened them. It was so bright right now. He was so confused… what was going on?

Kaidoh slowly moved his hand, testing to see if he would feel pain, but he didn't. Cautiously he slid up into a sitting position. Nothing hurt, he felt fine, just as any other morning would feel. He hastily threw his shirt off and looked over his chest and arms. There wasn't a single scratch on them. What was going on? How long did he sleep? He knew for sure that he had cut himself with that rock… was it all a dream?

He looked around, noticing the room. Everything was normal, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Did that mean he hadn't told Inui he loved him? That he hadn't told his parents about his dark secret yet? Would that really happen if he did tell them of his disgusting secret?

"Oh, I see you're awake." He hears a familiar soft voice cut into the silence. He looked up, surprised to see Inui there.

"Inui… what's going on?" Kaidoh asks confused. Inui frowned, his brows creasing a little as he sat down next to Kaidoh's bed.

"How are you feeling?" Inui asks.

"… confused." Kaidoh says softly.

"… to be truthful I'm not sure what's going on either. You seemed to be in so much pain before you blacked out. Do you feel any pain now?" Inui asks, feeling his forehead with the back of his hand and pressing the same hand to his own.

"… I don't understand… was it all a dream?" Kaidoh says softly, drawing his knees up into himself. Inui frowned, this wasn't very characteristic of Kaidoh.

"What was? Are you okay?" Inui asks. Every single bit of data on what had occurred that day pointed to some sort of mental distress. It was very possible that a dream could have done that… but it must have been a horrible dream.

"I-Inui… Did… where did you find me? Was I at the river?" Kaidoh asks confused.

"Find you? What do you mean?" Inui asks.

"I was at the river, but then I woke up and saw all of you guys and then I blacked out again and now I'm back." Kaidoh says.

"Kaidoh…" Inui frowns. The river? Was that in Kaidoh's dream? Was it possible to have a dream so fast?

"Listen Kaidoh… You weren't at the river today. We were practicing and I guess the hot summer air got to you. We were at the school when you collapsed for a few moments. That's when you saw us, you started to panic for some reason." Inui says with a frown.

"W-what…" Kaidoh says softly… but all of it… it was all so real? Just how much did he dream? It all fit together, how could that possible be a dream? Did he dream leaving the courts, practicing and everything? How was that possible.

"N-No…" Kaidoh says softly. Maybe this was a dream, maybe he was dreaming right now… but it seemed so real too.

"I'm Kaidoh Kaoru right?" Kaidoh asks.

"Of course." Inui says softly.

"I'm in my second year of High school and on the tennis team right?" Kaidoh asks. Inui frowns even more.

"Yes… why are you asking this?" Inui asks.

"… It just seemed so real…" Kaidoh says softly.

"Tell me." Inui says persistently. Suddenly Kaidoh found himself telling him everything, but stopped when he came to the part where he talked to Inui.

"Then what happened? What made you panic Kaidoh?" Inui asks, knowing there was more.

"I-I… I ended up at the river and fell in, I drowned." Kaidoh says the last part softly. Inui frowns.

"Kaidoh, there's a 99 chance that you're lying right now." Inui says softly.

"I-I'm sorry… I just can't…" Kaidoh says even softer, not looking at him anymore. Inui sighs.

"Alright, I get it, I'll back off." Inui replies softly but with a soft smile. Kaidoh looked to him, confused. Inui never really acted like this before.

"H-Hey Inui-Sempai… what are you doing here?" Kaidoh asks. Inui chuckles.

"I brang you back after you collapsed. Then your mom offered me something to eat and I couldn't pass that by… besides… I was worried Kaidoh." Inui says softly, pressing his hand against Kaidoh's back. Kaidoh blushed looking away, but it almost brang tears to his eyes.

It was so different, was this real? Inui frowned, usually Kaidoh did blush when he showed his concern but he could almost swear he looked sad as well. Did that dream have that much of an impact on him?

"Kaidoh, it's only logical that all that was only a dream. Don't let it get to you." Inui says softly. Kaidoh blushes softly before nodding.

"Good… I can stay a while longer, but I'll have to go home soon. Will you be okay?" Inui asks. Kaidoh blushes again.

"I'm sorry Inui-sempai, you can go if you want. I'll be fine. I'm sorry to have worried you." Kaidoh says with a frown.

"It's not an inconvenience to me Kaidoh, I want to stay." Inui insists. Kaidoh blushed and looked down again. His black hair did well to hide his face from Inui.

"… H-have you always been like this?" Kaidoh suddenly asks after a moment of silence.

"Like what?" Inui asks, genuinely confused.

"So nice?" Kaidoh asks, though he truthfully wasn't sure how to word it.

"… I am acting as I've always been… why?" Though there was a high percent that it was because of Kaidoh's dream, Inui couldn't help but want an answer from Kaidoh.

"I-I guess I've just never noticed." Kaidoh says with a blush. Had Inui always been like this? He had always been friendly, but there was something in the way that Inui was looking at him that was different from the Inui he knew.

Was it possible that this was the dream? Did his mind just make up this world so that he could be happy? No, he couldn't think like that. As Inui said, it's illogical. He should just accept that he had had a nightmare about rejection and continue on with life.

...o0o...

Well, that's the second chapter. The plot is somewhat coming together now and hopefully I'll be able to update soon as well as with the rest of the fanfiction I've posted. So for now, I hope you've enjoyed reading. All comments are welcome. :)


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